Reminiscence

April 2003
Peadiatric oncology ward

I was freshed out of medschool. Perplexed by the unknown and fear of uncertainty. The four month rotation in that ward changed the way I looked at human spirit forever through the eyes of dying innocent children.

I remember their faces vividly even as I share with you this story.

Too many young souls were lost within that short space of time. They showed me great strength and courage at their death beds. Those hours I spent with them in their final moment of life linger in my mind long after they had gone.

These children who live their life in hospital beds find solace with each other until one by one they would see their play-buddies died of sepsis or organ failures.

Sometimes charity groups drop by with gifts & meals, and clowns with balloons and all would lighten up their face. But behind those laughs and smiles.. most of them knew that they wouldn't probably live long enough to blow the candles on their 15th year old birthday's cake.

One of them is Sarah a 7 year old girl from Sabah. She had a primary liver cancer which is rare in children. Her sweet angelic face is unforgettable. Her laugh & giggle would lighten up the room. She fought a good fight, she survived 5 months than we had expected.

Her demise hurt me the most, with blood coming out from her every orifice she looked at me in agony. All we could provide was pain relief and blood product to stop the bleeding. She looked very thin, fragile and frightened. She passed away at 3am that morning.

***

Every now and then, when I'm alone by myself in a quiet empty place. Their faces would come to my mind and I'd find myself wept quietly for them.

Living the memory

Fantasy #57:

Performing solo piano / guitar gig, maybe Blunt's 'Goodbye my lover', now that would be wicked!

Or.. maybe deep inside, part of me still wanna become a multi-platinum rock star, singing 'You wanna make a memory' while sharing the stage with Bon Jovi.

"okayy Richiiee... 1 and a 2 and a 3...

Faded jeans and broken heart

do go well with a poet in pain.

Blues skies and midnight rain accompanied me

walking down your street in my soaked white tee while staring at your window hoping you would be there... looking at me"

...hmm but would that make me a stalker instead, or worse a potential serial killer?
Oh crap!

Boleyy ( ...boley blah!)

Hahaha!

This one really cracked me up good. At wee hour in the morning we sometime have to order 'portable' x-ray (meaning the radiographer technician have to bring the x-ray machine up to the ward) coz patients are most of the time too sick to be send downstairs to the radiological dept.

I guess the doc who ordered this x-ray really pissed off the techy guy big time, maybe the patient was gulping down his soda when he came with his big heaavvyy machine at 2am.

View from the top

Some people are so self-obsessed that they think this world should only revolves around them and quit spinning once they leave the room.

There are semi-VIPs or even worse.. perceive themselves to be one just because he's the third cousin of the Sultan's driver - would march straight to the ever-busy ER doctors and demand that they be seen by someone quick because they have an itchy dick.

I say screw these people and they just hafta to wait in line bcoz they are kids who right now need some stitches on their bleeding head.

Another kind would be the obnoxiously irritating 'loud people' who think that their presence need duly attention and every of their spoken words need to be followed. Oh they are just so loud!

On another note for those of you who need breakaway from the killer evening rush-hour jam - (one of my cheap/free ad with no bloody commission) why not head on to the Trader's hotel skybar at 6pm to catch a nice cast of sunset empowering the city in its glistening light...

...and if that doesn't help... maybe those tiny mini-me burgers will make you forget the obnoxiosly loud VIPs.

Soul-searching

Have you ever found yourself too consumed by the moment that you no longer feel like you're part of this world? It was absolutely silent and the only sound I could hear was my own breathing.

I was utterly mesmerised by the perfect loneliness which I deemed to be an effective remedy for any wounded spirit. For just about 15 hours ago, I had to deal with 3 ill-patients in the Resus room, with one of them tried to hit me in the face with his literally bloody hand while cursing my ancestors with every breath that he could mustered.

None of the remarks was taken 'cos he was sick and probably would be the nicest 90 kg 15 year old around if he wasn't poisoned by his own rising acidosis in his bloodstream, a typical picture for a diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) in Type 1 diabetes.

Having said that, still my mind was frantically searching for other perfect ways to spend one's Friday night.

Anyhow, let those be bygones and all I wanted to do right now there and then was to indulge myself in the quietness of the moment while feeling for my radial pulse so to be certain that I'm still a regular cast in this troubled world.

1, 2.... 4!!

2am somewhere in Klang Valley...

St John: ER, coming over.

ER: This is ER, go ahead St John.

SJ: We have a 22 year-old male with SOB, over.

ER: What's your ETA? over

SJ: ETA 10mins, do you copy?

ER: Roger that, we'll be ready for you, over and out.

By the time the ambulance pulled over at the main door, the whole resus crew had already scrambled to the trauma room with the drugs syringed up, locked and loaded.

A senior emergency physician who acts as the team leader will be doing the bird-eye view on the whole resuscitation procedure and coordinate the team members to act as a unit. The rest of the team will be busy securing the airway, providing ventilation and inserting IV lines.

Phew! With that huge sudden amount of adrenaline rush who needs coffee anyway.

But what interest me though is this is the only hospital in Malaysia that address its Accident & Emergency unit as ER.

Which make me feel like I'm working in Chicago ho ho ho!

"Hey where's the GSW victim?!!"

**

SOB = shortness of breath

GSW = gun shot wound

Hidup bebas atau...

YEHAA!

Dunno what to put here anymore to be honest. Lately I've been running amok around the wards with empty thought and loaded balls. Hey it could be vice versa and that would be briliant.

Btw it took me the whole weekend to move my stuff into the new apartment. Dang! I love the place, the smell of fresh paint, the fantastic view I laid my eyes on moments before I kiss the night goodbye -- Oh the whole enchilada!

At least this new place could rejuvenate my dying moral and would be something I look forward to at the end of any given post-on call day.

Psstt! I heard a story, a doctor got a heart attack and complicated by a rhythm abnormality (arrhythmia). However, seconds before his impending collapse, he reverted the arrhythmia himself by coughed-up forcefully.

Thought that may come in handy - when you are all alone and miles away from SJMC :)

Oh btw.... MAMPUH KERAHH is bloody awesome. Willis maybe bald but he still got some nasty moves left in him.... more sequel puhlessss!