Let's nuke the bastard

There is no certainty in life, you make plans and hope for the best.

At 40 years old, you could either be married or stay single... with a bit of luck you might live long and dance the funky chicken at your 70th birthday party.

Or you could also be diagnosed with cancer at the tender age 30 years old. I've seen lot of fatalities to these malady. It knows neither mercy nor boundary. Any of the human organs is a potential target, from prostate to ovaries... from brain to bone marrow. In most cases you can't cure them.


Sure we can kill the sonoffa with chemo or radiotherapy but not without caveat emptor. Take chemo for instant we have reliable cocktail on our shelf. But the side effect can be nasty to the other healthy living cells. Not to mention the nausea and puking your guts out. In the end the cancer cells might return and haunt us back like Stallone in Rambo 4 (he should know when to quit).

Performing pleural biopsy on a patient with pleural effusion, suspected to have lung cancer.

This unlucky pakcik smoked 1 pack per day for 15
years.

Cut that sucker out you say. Sure if it is Stage 1 NSCLC (non-small cell lung cancer)... why not? But what if we diagnosed Ahmad's cancer a bit too late. Think of it like PS2 game - Stage 4 is a more difficult level where surgical resection is rendered useless because your Damansara cancer has taken the LRT to Port Klang and married a second wife there. What did you say?? That LRT route doesn't exist? Oh sue me then and later take it to Ong Tee Keat.

Not to mention the issue of 'no-fly zone' or no man's land where if Muthu's cancer cells have an office on the 52nd floor of Petronas tower. The surgeon surely can't take it out without chopping away the first 50 floors. Hint: Most brainstem gliomas are deemed inoperable due to its close proximity with certain vital part of the brain required by Muthu to breath, shit or copulate.

I would not be far wrong in that to own your own cancer cells are likened to the top 3 real estate pearls:

1. Location


2. Location
   
3. Location.

Persoanal probe-lem

I watched Dark Knight last night and phew! As far as comic superheroes on silver screen goes, this would rank as one of the believable one.

You see, batman is just a normal dude who train himself to be at peak human physical performance. And being obscenely rich he fund himself with lotta cool toys to fight the bandits of Gotham.

Perhaps if I'm that rich I could even transform myself being a superhero. Why not? Then all I need to work on is a slick superhero name... hmm I wonder if these would cut it:

1. the stethoscope


2. the spatula man


3. the syringe
   
4. .... the scalpel-man?

The next step is to find a tailor to change my whitecoat into a tight white spandex. I'm sure Jln Masjid India has some extra material that I could use... not too mention a 'bling bling' add-on would be nice too!

Then I would need a supervillain to beat the shit-out in order to show my heroism prowess to the PJ-folks. He would definely has a cool name too like ''the cholera' or even better 'the chlamydia'! Which of course would be the alter ego of some prick from the BN frontrunners who have evil hidden agenda like lying to the Malaysian public about fuel hike etc.

Hey who knows it could be Khairy or Hishamuddin whom of course would be armed with his longgg keris to compensate for something else. If I'm lucky maybe the Keadilan would field me as its candidate in the next General election.

Oh crap then I better not get any persoanal (pun intended) aide or else the BN would pin me down with some wild sexual allegation!

... "Look! It's a bird.. no it's a plane.. no! It's the Proctoscope-man!!"

Think again

There are number of the do's and don't that you should adhere to when you visiting your relatives in hospital.

In random orders:

1. Do not shake doctor's / nurses' hands

They spend their waking hours (sleeping hours too) touching patients from head to toes and yeah including sticking their right index finger into anus (patient's not their own) checking for bleeding or enlarged prostate.

Often enough, patients have all kind of germ and nasty bug, some would be resistant to even powerful antibiotic - among the popular ones are MRSA and ESBL. Being tired mortals & all, these doctors sometime forgot to wash their hands.

2. Using the utensils in canteen

You would probably don't mind sharing the utensils with the general public at restaurants. Think again when ill patients find out that ward meals aren't that tasty and they decide to visit the hospital canteen. Some of them even have oral candidiasis (fungal infection inside the mouth). Ooh yes the kitchen staff really clean those forks & spoons thoroughly like you do at home.

3. Don't stand near mobile Xray

Frequent enough we call mobile xrays to ward if patients are too ill (boley blah xray). You will see hospital staff move away from the xray machine, at least 6 meters away, even hiding in the next room. I suggest you do the same. Coz you don't want to be exposed unnecessarily to the radioactive ray.

4. Bring regular medications

If you send your love ones to hospital for treatment. Please la bring their medications as well. Our records are usually not available after office hours. The last thing we want is for you to describe them " alaa dokteerr ubat yang panjang warna coklat tuuuu".

5. Bring previous letters/appointment/previous discharge summaries.
E'nuf said.

C4 satuu!

It seems like Malaysians are tired of our current politicians' shenanigan and tomfoolery acts. I tried to stay away from blogging about these people - frankly speaking I'm tired of hearing their childish remarks to each other. Not to mention their condescending attitude towards certain quarters of general public. They think we're fool!

Their bickering routine on papers started to sound like an episode in Dynasty or Knots Landing.. yes I'm that old.

To digress, one of our national's shocking news from last year that has lost its way to page 10 in Malaysian papers is the infamous case of Attantuya Shaariibuu murder. After the homocide, her lifeless body was exploded with C4 bomb...

Phew! I tell you C4 is one nasty bugger. You don't want to get near any of that yellow stuff within 2km radius.

It is so wicked that it got itself into hollywood culture:

1. Blows up Nakatomi building and John McClane's ass out of the sky in Die Hard.

2. Strapped to the bank hostages in Hancock

PS: The moral of the story is do not date politician. Period.

These days

Life felt different these days. Breathing has become a conscious effort at some point of most days, which made me afraid to go to bed at night. Just in case I forgot to breath while I'm sleeping. Paranoia loves company.

Last sunday I bought my 1st ever notebook ASUS Z99 SR - a Centrino powered 2.2 GHz, 2 RAM, 250 hard disc with 128 dedicated graphic card. Anyhow I spent half day in Low Yatt which by 8pm I found myself hurried along Bukit Bintang shoplots with empty tummy. A chinese girl in a Komono suit handed me what look like a dinner menu leaflet.

Slightly excited and without looking at the leaflet I asked her.

"Halal ke?"

She threw me a confused look.

I looked at the leaflet and to my embarassment it said:

"FISH SPA for RM29 per 1/2 hour - let them massage your feet"

Someone had forgotten the drum roll.