Faded jeans

I was having a good time on one of my postcall morning, browsing some of the new arrivals at Borders, while thinking about that cold frappucino. A bit of melaram wouldn't bite so I decided to don a crisp white shirt with my favourite black tie and black pants.

Heheh I was pretty cock-sure that in that piece I could easily be one of the cool Reservoir Dogs, Vincent Vega or at worse Keanu's Constantine. Until out of the blue came a sweet soothing voice...

"Uncle.. mane nak cari pensel yang tak payah sharpen tu eeii... hmm ada jual ke kat sini?"

I looked up, a young teenage girl was staring at me looking a little lost.

D'Oh!! My vanity just head-south on a last bus to Sante Fe.

I politely told her to try the Info counter.

Ah my logic tells me perhaps she's not from around the neighbourhood and weren't aware that staffs wear maroon coloured shirt. Another classic case of a chalk and cheese.

But the fact that she called me uncle was another thing, do I look thattt old?? For crying out loud I just turned 31.

Haha! A short trip to the gents was indeed a refreshing session. It was a weekday morning, hence the gents was as quiet as a wormhole. So I took my own sweet time and study the reflection in the mirror.

The horizontal crease on my forehead becoming visibly darker. My rough skin had seen better days. The dark lines beneath my eyes had jammed its foot across the front door about a year ago and now refuse to leave. The old man in the mirror threw a faded smile back at me.

No wonder I easily feel tired these days.

Mundane no more

Today is gonna be a busy yet unexciting post-call day; just did a C-sect at 3am, birds chirping happily on trees, babies crying for no good reason in labour room... y'know the usual suspect.

It's not even 8am and yet I've already fumed by couple of errand, things to do for the Master's registration:


1. Open up another bank account for the scholarship (why they insist on CIMB beats me)

2. Giving myself another shot of X-ray radiation -- should be ok since I quit ciggie yonks ago

3. Donating my urine to some lab rats (some ppl wanna know wheather I'm using heroin on a social basis)

4. Getting my vein jab for blood sample


If I got time, maybe I hit the Curve for that lovely venti machiato / books and drop by at the new apartment just checking on few things just in case my contractor screw-up (again) the renovation. I just want to get it done and over with before June.



"Told ya I hate the cornice - it looks like a circumcised glans" I remark nonchalantly.

"Aiyaa it's a working progress boss, you just have to wait and see the final product" He sighs.

"I dunno man, looks like I have a dick hanging down from my ceiling - shall I call it sextine chapel then?" (laughing away silly)

"Best consume before.."

Days went by so hard and fast i could hardly sit down and take a deep breath. The best thing in life is left for dead so they say, taken for granted by many and in the end forever forgotten...

...like those 1 cent loose change you got from KFC outlet just because a single plate is sold at RM7.99 per meal - without soda.

(Psstt! One three-piece Extra Crispy dinner plate has 15 grams of freakin' trans fatty acid, which is more than a person should have in one week)

And yeah those faces we met everyday in ourlives, families & friends, how many of those would still be alive and stay with us say 6 or 12 months from now.

Tip of a day:
If you have a chest pain, and you think it's likely to be a heart attack (Hint: more likely if you have a penis AKA male species, buncit-ier, smoke like a chimney, darah manyak tinggi and kincin manis).

Remember these easy steps, they could save your precious little life:

1. Crush a 300mg aspirin. Chew It! Works twice as fast than swallowing or drinking it. Never leave home without it.

2. Get someone to drive you to the nearest hospital ER. Forget clinic kicik2. Coz they will end up do an ECG (if they have one or remember to charge it the night before; yup just like your expensive handphone) and call an ambulance anyway. The last thing any GPs would want is a dead man in their clinic.

3. If you collapse, pray that the good fellah next to you just had done a CPR course last weekend.

If all fail, at least smile... all living things will expire one fine day anyway.


**Arkh I found out that they're sending me to GHKL for the 1st 2 years and then the remaining 2 years in UMMC.

Kembali ke sekolah

Having bought 3 non-fictions last week is a new personal record, considering reading isn't really my die-hard habit (the last book I read was the Da Vinci Code 3 years ago). Perhaps this is another sign of a manic phase in bipolar disorder eh? Not bad huh since Hemingway also had it.

I really should stop these urge of buying them everytime I hit those bookstore... at least until I finish those that I've bought.

Also a friend is nice enough to lend me Kitchen Confidential, which come to think of it was my first time borrowing a book from another person.

Notice how the 2 top titles fall under the self-help genre. HUH! Does this means I need help in some areas of my life?? - sure I do!

I don't mind paying RM70 for them either... HAHA! If only I could find an affordable qualified shrink (psychologist mind you! Not a psychiatrist) in town - anyone out there? No seriously.

Nah I don't attempt to do book review here simply because I neither have the mental capacity to do it nor plus the fact I'm nowhere finishing them yet.

On another note, I just got a letter from the MOH and the university saying they've approved my application for the Masters program, which starting this June.

This is a big thing for a schmuck like me to finally has that long shot at climbing the food-chain. And in order to be one of the big fish, this old boy will have to go back to school @ one of the University Hospitals for another 4 years. Which is ironic as the old saying goes "a specialist knows more about fewer things".

Four freaking years?... Have mercy!

Life

Life should be cherished every day as we live through every moment of it. If that is so, why does my heart feels empty, like a small empty glass lying sideway in an old abandoned cottage near a beautiful lake.

Why can't I feel the taste of possible happiness out there.

It's eating my mortal body slowly and with every moment pass I can feel my soul fading away into a state of permanent oblivion.

But it's hard when things do not go the way we had imagined it. Is this all there is to it? Could I brace myself to this feeling every single morning I wake up to for the next 30 to 40 years of my remaining life. If I could live that long anyway.

Life. Pity.

Warm fuzzy weekend

After so many hours inside the hospital OT having to deal with its sub-zero arse-freezing temperature (okay i exaggerate a bit).

It's good to have the whole weekend off..away from it all and not having to do weekend on-call.

Hurrah! (repeat twice and fade away...)












It's good to be out there enjoying the nice warm saturday morning while listening to ma MP3 songs...

... oh Norah and U2 was there all the way!

.... and convincing mr tastebuds to sample thatt sweeet juicy pancake for breakkie paid-off well....

....and later the not too-heavy Thai Express luncheon

...oh have mercy on ma duodenum

...followed by light reading at one's favourite bookshop-cum-browse for free for as long as you want...

... and not having to buy anything!

(Phew! Spoiled by a burst of afternoon rain-storm)

Hmmm sunday wasn't that bad either --

apart from finding out that the RM4 kuew teow Penang Mari of TTDI could beat this seafood kuew-teow any given sunday

Heheh!






As for the weekend feast finale the japanese cuisine was a delish except for this funny looking appetiser which was

.....well taste funny ;)

By the end of the weekend..

I went home and curled down on my sofa and dozed off

like this fellah..

felt thousand kilos heavier...

Ah love the cholesterol!

"Somebody please wake me up on monday! -- Groowwwl"

A young heart -- part 2

..... "We got pulse!" I was breathless while looking at the rebirth of his heart's sinus rhythm on the cardiac monitor.

I threw a glance at the other patients knowing well they were all stable, but as usual there would be at least one patient who isn't doing well and that night it was this young man.

"Hmm doc what else could we do? We've done almost everything that is possible" Yasmin, a senior nurse who's been working in ICU for 10 years look concern.

"Pray" I replied.

"...and while we do that, we increase the noradrenaline to 2 mcg/kg/min! We're not gonna give up on this boy" I reached for the perfusor machine and pump it up and making sure the nebuliser is giving continous salbutamol

I went quietly to the waiting room and sat down next to his mother explaining to her what had just happened.

"Please doctor help my son, please don't let him die...he's the only one I got left" she sobbed heavily. She looked fragile and helpless. That was when I knew that the parents had divorced a year ago.

******

"Doc he arrested again!!" Yasmin shouted while starting CPR. It was 12am.

I grabbed the adrenaline and atropine syringes and injected 1 mg each via the central line. I replaced Yasmin as the 48 year-old woman became exhausted. CPR is a physically demanding procedure. Imagine having to exert yourself pressing on a human chest 100 times per minute.

As I glanced at the cardiac monitor suddenly showed irregular ventricular rhythm.

"HE'S IN V-FIB!! We stopping CPR... step aside!" I charged the biphasic defibrilator machine to 200J, and placed the 2 paddles on his chest.

"CLLEEARRR!!" his body convulsed as the current shocked his body and soul.

We got him back. Sinus rhythm established. However our relief is short-lived. Between 3am to 6am he arrested another 5 times.

"Come on buddy don't you give up on me...COME ON!" I heard my inner voice shouted at him as I pressed down on his chest.

I look down on his face and I could feel his not with me anymore. The young man beneath me look different from the 1st day he was admitted. His pale face looked serene and peaceful. As though as his soul has found its solace. I opened his eyelids and his pupils were fixed and dilated.

And that was it, that was our final battle. His young heart didn't want to respond to our effort.

The young man passed away at 6.30am Thursday 19th. After I pronouced the time of death, I went to the devastated mother and held her hands.

"I'm sorry auntie, we're unable to save him... your son had just passed away" She cried softly. I took her to see her boy and upon seeing his lifeless body the old lady fainted on the floor and we had to carry her to a bed.

I looked outside through the large frameless ICU windows. Fresh sunrise threw its first bright light over the green hills marking another dawnbreak, deep down my heart told me that it was a terrible way to start a new day.

I sighed.